Tough Love for graduates

Its graduation time, and the pundits and editorials are once again trying to sound "deep" by saying graduation cards are too soft and sugary. Well, gee, thats like saying water is wet. Whats more, they act surprised that no one is inspired and awed by their "brilliance" as they dispense what they consider is "Tough Love" advice.

Well, when your "toughness" amounts to: "no one will love you like mommy and daddy, and work is more demanding that your grade school teachers", umm yeah. Are you addressing the Kindergarten graduates, maybe? If you want "Tough love" try telling the truth about the world; the real, raw, simple truth:

In General
Tell them that everyone will be looking to use them as a step towards something, so they'd better be ready unless they like being a doormat.

On Family
Outside mommy and daddy's door, the only people that care if your dead are the cops and the coroner, and thats only because it means more paperwork for their work. The average person will lift exactly one finger to to help you; its the middle one. Ok, maybe two if they're feeling really ambitious about it.

On Girls
Talk to a girl 2 or 3 times before taking her out, and let her pick the place. Use a cab or an old beater, especially if you have a nice car. Dont let her know you have money until after you've decided you want to spend time on this girl. Oh yeah, in the real world, that phrase means at least a year commitment, maybe life. Dont waste time with feminists and "womens libbers", they will spend all their time trying to be more manly than you, and nothing will get done. Unless your into being the girl of the relationship; we're not here to judge.

On Work
If you arent getting stabbed in the back at least twice a day, you're not doing enough to advance your career. Unless your career is selling armored vests.  Work sucks. If it didnt, they wouldnt have to pay you to do it. You think your boss doesnt "appreciate" you? Take a look at that check. If he really didnt appreciate you, he'd fire your ass and hire someone else for less. Got it?

On "finding yourself"
Hold up your hand. Slap your palm against your forehead. There you are. Now that you found yourself, dump the new age hippy mumbo-jumbo. That was garbage made up by stoners to sound "deep" while they were baked. You are what you do. Not your job, car, couch, bank account, or anything else. What have you done? Have you ran in the rain? rebuilt a car? juggled explosives? (am I really the only one thats done that?) What have you done? That is who you are. Anything else doesnt matter. nfortunately for most graduates, you havent done anything yet. Yes, that means your nobody, so far. And its up to you to get off your ass and change that.

No crying, no partying, no sitting around; the losers get ground down to be the steps of the ladder of success for the leaders. And may God have mercy on your soul, because the world is gonna do its best to break everything else in you.